Reflections
by ilovetvalot
Summary: A character study of Aaron Hotchner, of a sort. Written in response to Kavi's TV Prompt Challenge 10 - Everwood: "He Who Hesitates". As ever, I don't own Criminal Minds.


_A/N: Again, many thanks to Kavi Leighanna and Sienna27 for inviting writers into their TV Prompt Challenge. It's a wonderful way to stretch our writing muscles. I advise everyone to visit their profile pages and give this a try. As always, thanks to my wonderful beta, partner and friend, tonnie2001969. Check out her offering to this challenge in "Right Here Next to Me". Also, as this sight has been messed up for DAYS, please check out my other three contributions to the challenge, "Say the Words", "Anamolies and Other Aberrations" and "Landmines of the Lovelorn". Please leave me reviews and let me know your thoughts. They're like candy, you can never get enough feedback! As always, I do not own Criminal Minds nor any of its characters._

**Reflections**

**Prompt: Everwood - "He Who Hesitates"**

Leaning against the stair railing, Hotch stared down into the heart of his unit, the BAU's bullpen. But more specifically, his eyes bore a hole into the back of Emily Prentiss' long dark hair. Clenching his jaw, he remembered the texture, the pure silken feel as it had wrapped around his hands and teased his thighs. God, he'd fucked up. Taken advantage of something that had been pure. He'd slept with his subordinate…his friend. And, then, he'd acted like it had never happened. And Emily, being Emily, had simply shoved the incident in a box in her mind, never to be analyzed or examined. He knew it…because that's what he had tried to do. Only his memory wouldn't give him succor. So many mistakes, honestly made, but no less painful.

"You know what they say, Aaron. He who hesitates, is lost, my friend," Dave murmured quietly from behind him.

"Leave it alone, Dave," Hotch replied sharply, turning to glare at the older man as he walked back into his office.

Following him, Dave quietly shut the office door behind him before leaning against it casually. "Wish I could do that, but you've made it an impossibility."

Lifting dark eyes to stare at the wry smile of the man standing across the room, Hotch ordered, "Leave, Dave."

"You gonna throw me out, Hotch?" Dave asked sarcastically. "You might rumple that carefully pressed suit of yours. Or worse yet, you might have to show some actual emotion." Studying the younger man's tight face, Dave said quietly, "You aren't the first strong man to have a crisis of faith, you know. We've all had them."

"I'm not having a crisis of faith," Hotch denied shortly. "I'm having an annoying conversation with an arrogant, albeit well-meaning colleague. Don't you have anything better to do than piss me off?"

"At the moment, no," Dave said conversationally, crossing the room to ease himself into one of the chairs in front of Hotch's desk. "We're going to talk, Aaron, because if you don't talk to somebody, eventually you're going to implode. And I really don't want to have to clean up THAT mess."

"There's nothing to talk about, Dave," Hotch said, taking his seat behind his oak desk and pulling a file in front of him.

"You almost died, Hotch. No, wait, you were almost _murdered _by a sadistic son of a bitch that's still out there somewhere. You telling me that you're fine with that?"

"I am fine," Hotch stated tersely.

"What you are is one very unconvincing liar," Dave snorted. "You need to take a step back from all this shit, Hotch," Dave sighed. "You never should have been cleared to come back."

"Then why did you pull the fucking strings to make it happen for me," Hotch finally asked angrily.

"Because I stupidly let you make me believe that this is what you needed. But I was _wrong_!"

"No," Hotch said with a decisive shake of his head, "You weren't. I need to do my job."

"Are you ever going to realize that this job will ALWAYS be here. I took a ten year fucking break, Hotch, and when I came back it was ALL still here. I'm not saying you need to do what I did. But, I am saying you need to step back before you finally become Gideon! Trust me when I tell you, Hotch, you don't want to stare into the mirror in ten years and see the face of either Jason or myself staring back at you!" Dave argued.

"And do what, Rossi? I don't HAVE anything left! I had a wonderful wife and a promising marriage and I killed it. Fucking murdered by my own goddamned hand because it impeded my job. When push came to shove I chose sadistic serial killers above a beautiful woman that loved me! If I walk away from this now, it was all for nothing!" Hotch railed, running a hand through his hair as he rose from his seat and paced to stare out the window.

"Hotch," Dave said quietly, "you know that I liked Haley. She was a great lady and a wonderful mother to your son. But, she wasn't cut out for a life with a husband whose job demanded extended periods away from his family. That wasn't your fault. She made you choose."

"I chose wrong," Hotch said flatly.

"Did you?" Dave asked. "If that's true, why not walk away?"

"This is what I know…all I know," Hotch said sadly.

"Bullshit. This is what you WANT. There's a difference. And you do have more than just this job, asshole. You got something I never managed to get from ANY of my three wives. You got a great kid! Jack! That's a pretty big incentive to pull your ass back together, man!"

"Yeah, I've got Jack," Hotch said, turning to smile sadly at Dave. "You wanna know what I've done with the gift that my son is, Rossi? I've been no better than the father that I had! I realized this weekend while I had him that while I was so busy making the world a better place, my little boy had grown up…without me. My dad did that to me. I don't even know who he is anymore. He looks at me like I'm a stranger. And he has every reason to…that's what I am. I was so busy trying to be the best goddamn agent I could be…that I forgot that my son needed his father! What kind of _man_ does that make me?"

"Then change it, Hotch!" Dave growled. "You make a _choice _to do these things. You can have it all."

"You mean like you did…three times?" Hotch retorted sarcastically.

"Nice jab, asshole," Dave winced. "But I didn't have a kid that needed me. You do."

Staring out the window, Hotch looked despondently over the grounds of the Federal Building. "I've fucked up in so many ways, Dave."

"You're human, Aaron. Human beings fuck up. Then we move on…Circle of life and all that shit," Dave replied.

"I slept with Prentiss," Hotch stated in a dead voice as he turned his head toward Dave.

"I figured," Dave shrugged.

"Meaning?" Hotch fired back, facing Dave squarely.

"Meaning," Dave said slowly, "THAT was just a matter of time, Aaron. The writing's been on the wall since the moment she joined the unit, or so I've been told. Personally, I only wonder why the hell it took you two this long. You and Prentiss…you fit, Aaron. You're both incredibly private, passionate people. And it doesn't hurt that she's HOT."

"Dave -," Hotch said, his voice forbidding.

Holding up a conciliatory hand, Dave grinned again, unrepentantly. "Hotch, that's a statement of fact…not a declaration of lascivious intentions."

"Better not be," Hotch growled back. "I'd hate to kill my best friend in cold blood. But I'm not above it. And you seem way to unfazed by my little revelation. I KNOW Emily wouldn't have said anything to you-" Hotch began suspiciously.

"But she would talk to her bestest gal pal, JJ…and JJ tells me everything. Why do you think I'm here? I was given an ultimatum. Either I could fish your head out of your ass for you or she could kill you with a letter opener. I chose the less bloody option," Dave snorted.

Raising a brow, Hotch asked, "And when did you become Agent Jareau's confidante of choice, Dave?"

Shrugging negligently, Dave said evenly, "Not sure. It's been a process. This thing with Will's infidelity rattled her more than she likes to admit. I've just been an ear to chew on."

"And that's all?" Hotch said, staring at Dave seriously.

"You're determined to think the worst of me today, aren't you?" Dave asked easily.

"You're forgetting, I know you," Hotch said plainly.

"I've past the point in my life where I enjoy fucking with other people's heads, Aaron," Dave replied evenly. "I'm not gonna screw with JJ's emotions, especially now."

"That isn't an answer," Hotch pointed out.

"That's the only answer that you're getting on my relationship with JJ," Dave retorted. "I think you've got enough to concentrate on right now between Jack and Emily. Repair your own fucked up relationships and then, maybe, I won't mind so much if you want to try and interfere with mine," Dave said, pushing out of his chair. "But, take my advice…take some time off. Talk to Emily and spend some quality time with Jack getting to know your son. He needs it and you deserve it," Dave said, on his way to the door.

Nodding, Hotch watched as Dave reached the door. Swallowing, Hotch called, "Dave?"

"Yeah," Dave said, turning as his hand landed on the doorknob.

"Thanks," Hotch murmured, choking out the word.

Grinning, Dave shrugged. "Anytime, man."

**~FIN~**


End file.
